Help Me Or I'll Go Crazy!
By Michele T. Fry, 1992

“I don’t like anybody!”, I
confided to my shrink.
“Does this bother you?”, he asked.
“What the hell do you think?

“Now don’t you dare annoy me too,
why do you s’pose I’m here?”
“Then tell me all about it, doll . . . . .
I have a listening ear.”

“Well, everybody breaks appointments
or shows up two hours late
then acts as if I’m rude if I’m
the teensiest bit irate.

“Not only office clerks forget I’m
holding on the phone . . . . .
their bosses know, and pipe in music
just to calm me down . . . . as if!

“On other work before me
I cannot concentrate, but
I must hang on , wasting time, to
get their damn bill straight.

 

“A person’s time is valuable! Mine
isn’t theirs to waste.
Time robbers are my special peeve. They
fill me with distaste.

“Debates on telemarketers ‘rights’
really chap my seat.
Every night I get a call just
as I sit to eat.

“Hello ma’am, I’m handicapped and
selling good light bulbs.
We certainly don’t want charity . . . .” “ STOP!
Then why’d you mention it?”   Grubs!

Reporters cram my briefing hour with
hearsay – their dominion.
We’ll soon need 60 hours a day to
sort through their opinions!

“Take garbage men. Amazing! From
Long Beach to Mobile Bay,
they place the empty cans so they are
blocking each driveway!

 

 

“Vagueness is a sore point upon
which I could go nuts.
The bill ends up “a thousand” when
they said, “It won’t cost much.”

“If public education’s FREE, why all the
cry for funding, humm????????
Can no one see, except for me, the
folly of such wording?

“I pay to file my income tax. The
nation robs me blind –
then has the gaul to fine me
for an error on one line!

“Then teachers teach that government
MAKES all the jobs and money
and keeps them stashed to parcel out to
those in need.         They’re commies!

“Street signs down all over, Sir. How
do folks get around?
So many things appall me, Sir,
no mind but mine seems sound.

“How did we make it to the moon with
so much sloppy thinking?
The next bank clerk who “axes” me
my name – I’ll take to drinking”

The world’s got so approximate,
(so dull, so loose, so lazy), if
you don’t help me learn to cope I’m
going to go crazy.”

The doctor gazed across his desk, a
twinkle in his eye.
He’s got me pegged: Another Sucker –
Expectations High.

“I’ll tell you, hon, just what to do.
Write out your check to me.
Make an appointment at the desk.
I’ll see you next Thursday!”