Reflections On Motherhood
For Nathan By Michele T. Fry, © April 1983
These are the happiest times,
The days for which I’ve longed since my own youth.
These are the vibrant hours, which
Each one relished as a perfect-petaled rose,
Draws my mind away from future cares . . . .
(the world’s concerns I once revered so high)
And rivet all my Being
On the pivot point of Here and Now.
My fair, sweet, precious child . . . .
Before you, I was a philosopher,
A rebel, a system-maker,(*)
A seeker of all things fine – for all mankind.
And thus I marched us through your infancy,
Through walking . . . . talking . . . . counting 1,2,3.
It took some time for you to change my purpose.
But gradually I reshaped my world, remade myself, for you.
Your pre-teen years gave me
A tan-skinned, quick, athletic boy to watch,
still cuddly-sweet, as babies are.
Your love for me, so priceless, made life complete.
How fascinating can one little being be
In antics, jokes, and supple little limbs?
Ah, the choicest of companions.
Ah, and I in a position to enjoy!
I had not planned these days,
Did not know they ever could exist,
Nor can I plan their end.
They are, quite simply, sprung from an infinite truth:
A mother is her offspring’s love and light.
A child is a mother’s own rebirth.
For now, there’s nothing I can do
That counts for more than watching over you.
So . . . . now you’re 10
As yet, my world is world enough for you
And I seem all you need.
I know, though, in ten years or so
You’ll sail away from me
And I’ll be left behind . . . . standing proudly,
Waving to you gaily,
Holding back the tears as mother do,
And staying quivering lips . . . .
Which quiver some for you,
But some for me.
For what becomes of Mothers
When kids don’t need their mommies anymore?
What shall become of me? What shall I be?
Perhaps I’ll be a potter, paint the sea,
Find a new profession, write a book of poetry.
What will be my next reality?
These days will end.
For sure I know they will,
I know they will.
And all my friends and all the literature I’ve read
Assure me that they will.
So . . . . . how shall I prepare?
They say it’s dangerous to care so much.
There’s heartbreak there.
So . . . . how shall I prepare?
This question, percolating often through my mind,
Is answered by my Heart
In crystal-clear, unarguable tones.
I shall not prepare!
I cannot, Should not! Won’t!
For prudence has no jurisdiction here!
Wise counsel says “You know it’s coming. Do prepare.
And by all means begin now to prepare.”
But this is mean . . . . absurd . . . . unwise . . . .
Would steal from me life’s greatest prize,
And is impossible besides.
I am too vibrantly alive with love for you!
So hear me one and all:
“For these too precious few maternal years . . . .
Unbounded love! Connection! These are mine!
The future may go on and plan itself
With all my blessings . . . . and a prayer
That I won’t be forlorn in future years.
But please, I can’t prepare.”
Only fools becloud the gift of present joy
With fear of future woe.
I simply cannot plan another course
for these few sweet precious years, but loving you.
I simply can’t imagine who would fail
To raise their glass in toast
After pondering my defense, which lies below:
No one enjoys such perfect days as these
But saints, and gods, and me.
You, son, are my immortality.
(*) During college in the 60’s and early 70’s, college students protested the Vietnam War, rigid authority, and were highly mistrustful of government. David Duke of the KKK, spoke on campus and had many followers. I became involved with the Libertarian Party, serving as its first Vice President in 1974. When you were 6 months old I began working for Woody Jenkins as his 1st Legislative Assistant, supporting his efforts to stamp out a few of Louisiana’s social ills, such as removing lobbyists from the house floor, repealing a man’s right to have his wife committed to an insane asylum on his word alone, requiring a 6 month legal review of every case of incarceration, and many other issues. It was an exciting time for me, and very satisfying to be immersed in attempting to create a more humane and rational world.